Single retirement can be extremely joyful. There are also some unique challenges. Sometimes challenges are financial (one retirement income instead of two). Sometimes they are social. While I certainly would not suggest that couples do not also face challenges meeting people, there are those occasions when they have an automatic partner (for eating out, going to the movies, going to a play).
If you are a single who has retired "in place" you probably have a more readily accessible group of friends, developed of the long term. Those of us who relocate, or who haven't build up that wide circle face different challenges. Widows and widowers are also often uniquely challenged if most of their friends were couples. I am not necessarily one of that latter group. While my husband and I had joint friends, we had very different hobbies and as such had our own separate social circles as well. My husband belonged to a ski club and traveled without me at least once a month during the winter, as well as attending ski club socials. He was also active in the sports officiating community, and did things with that group of people on a regular basis. I had similar groups that were important to me.
Unfortunately, part of living in the diplomatic/military community means that everyone moves somewhere else. This can be an advantage or a disadvantage. I retired to somewhere I had not lived before, in order to be near my husband's family for my kids. As I've shared before, I was fortunate to find a church that was a perfect fit. As part of that church, I attend a monthly dinner group, participate in a woman's small group, and go to other social events (including a fish fry and silent auction coming soon). Recently, I decided I needed something else.
I enjoy going out to dinner on occasion, I like the movies, and I like going to theaters and festivals. While I am happy and comfortable doing those things alone, it's often more enjoyable with another person. I have absolutely no interest in a traditional singles group whatsoever-I just wanted to meet more people living closer to me with whom I could get together on occasion (my church is a half an hour away and members live all over the metroplex. As such, I've decided to "step outside the box" if you will.
Awhile back, someone mentioned the option of the organization "Meet Up" to me. At the time it was suggested to me as an alternative when I was looking for a book discussion group not church related. Other people have mentioned it to me as well. I think that another blogger, Tamara, may have some experience in this area. I did the research and found that Meetup has a wide variety of groups in my area. These included book clubs, a knitting group, and a local German speaking group that meets at our Bratskeller once a month. There is a group called Dining in Dallas, and one that goes to ethnic restaurants. Finally, there is a 50's plus social group.
This group meets once a month for breakfast, and also has a once a month social event. Art shows, movies, theaters, you name it. Yesterday I finally bundled up my courage and went to a program. The group went to a local theater to see The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, and then to a lovely Italian restaurant afterwards. Once I got over my discomfort of walking up and asking "is this the ..........group?", and introducing myself, I had a lovely time. Everyone was friendly, the conversation was great, and the food was divine. I will surely be going to these outings regularly, and may even explore other opportunities to meet people.
Although I'm happy to go to restaurants and the like, I'm also happy to see that the members to casual less expensive things often-next month the event is a pool part and I while back the group went to an arts and the park even and also had a potluck supper and games night. My kind of group!
If I had not finally taken the plunge, I don't know what would have happened in the long run. It took me awhile, but I finally jumped, and am happier for it. What about you-have you stepped outside of your comfort zone lately?
Showing posts with label frugal socialization. Show all posts
Showing posts with label frugal socialization. Show all posts
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Living Richly in Retirment-Making New Connections
This past Tuesday I went to a regular bi-monthly get together with a group of women. We had our regular discussion and visit, and exchanged small gifts. Then on the spur of the moment, we decided to meet for dinner on Thursday, with the hostess providing the mail meal and the rest of us providing a dish. On Wednesday, I went to a luncheon at the home of a quilting friend, where we also exchanged small gifts and had a lovely visit. Tomorrow, I will go with a dining group that frequents different restaurants to a restaurant in downtown Dallas.
I tell you all of this, not to share that I have a social life, per se. I share this to show that it’s possible to make new connections, with new people in retirement. This is true even if you are a single person, have little money, or know not a soul where you live. I’m a perfect example of this. When I moved to Dallas, the only people I knew were my in-laws. While I love them and they have been supportive of the children and me, post widowhood, they were not a source of a lot of social interaction. I moved far away from home, without a spouse and without friends. I had not a great deal of money to expend on social activities, was not necessarily the life of the party, and was not used to living life as a single person. I’m still adjusting to all of these things, some more easily than others.
While not every retiree is like me, many have similar issues. Many folks find that most of their social lives revolved around work or the work of a spouse. Without those connections they feel lost. Sometimes on spouse is still working and the other is home during the day. Sometimes both are retired, and have not gotten into a rhythm, and/or realize that even with a spouse, they need outside stimulation. I’m sure this would have been true of my relationship if it still existed. Sometimes people find themselves newly single and are unsure how to meet people or deal with the situation.
In process of adjustment, I found a few things to be true when expanding my social horizons and making new connections:
Most of my connections were made through various interests I had, or interests that I wanted to develop in retirement. Because I was a quilter, I kept my eye out for a local quilting group and found one. Checking through your local paper or city magazine will probably present you with many opportunities of like minded people. Because I was a quilter, I found a quilting group. Because I was involved in a church before, I found a church I liked. Through this church, I found my small group of women, a book group, and other social activities.
Singles don’t have to associate only with singles, or women with women for that matter. My quilting group is a woman's group because of the hobby, but I also have friends who golf, or hike and who do so in mixed groups.
Give your new friends and connections a chance. The first time I went to my large quilt group (the mother organization, if you will); I met a few people and listened to a lecture, and got invited back at the end. My dining group chose many places that I was not interested in, and dates that I was not available, before my first get together. And the first Sunday at church, I shook a few hands. But by coming back regularly, I met more people, got invited to events and invited to volunteer and became part of the group.
It’s not necessary to have a lot of money to have a social life. While some hobbies can have some costs, being social is not of necessity costly. For every French restaurant my dining group goes to, there are ten ethnic restaurants and quite a few at home food tastings. Most events at my church are group dinners. And my small, weekly group meets at someone’s home each week, with the host providing lunch. Time spent with friends is what is important, after all.
Lastly, being alone part of the time is not a terrible thing. While we all need connections and friendships outside of our home, we have to find a happy medium that works for us. In my case that involves a get together during the day, two in the evening going to church. For me this is a happy medium. Others may need more alone time, more together time….it depends on you. I still experience lonliness, but that's based on widowhood, not on the fear of being alone. For every visit with friends I get equal enjoyment from creating at home or simply reading with my pup beside me.
How are you making new connections in retirement?
I tell you all of this, not to share that I have a social life, per se. I share this to show that it’s possible to make new connections, with new people in retirement. This is true even if you are a single person, have little money, or know not a soul where you live. I’m a perfect example of this. When I moved to Dallas, the only people I knew were my in-laws. While I love them and they have been supportive of the children and me, post widowhood, they were not a source of a lot of social interaction. I moved far away from home, without a spouse and without friends. I had not a great deal of money to expend on social activities, was not necessarily the life of the party, and was not used to living life as a single person. I’m still adjusting to all of these things, some more easily than others.
While not every retiree is like me, many have similar issues. Many folks find that most of their social lives revolved around work or the work of a spouse. Without those connections they feel lost. Sometimes on spouse is still working and the other is home during the day. Sometimes both are retired, and have not gotten into a rhythm, and/or realize that even with a spouse, they need outside stimulation. I’m sure this would have been true of my relationship if it still existed. Sometimes people find themselves newly single and are unsure how to meet people or deal with the situation.
In process of adjustment, I found a few things to be true when expanding my social horizons and making new connections:
Most of my connections were made through various interests I had, or interests that I wanted to develop in retirement. Because I was a quilter, I kept my eye out for a local quilting group and found one. Checking through your local paper or city magazine will probably present you with many opportunities of like minded people. Because I was a quilter, I found a quilting group. Because I was involved in a church before, I found a church I liked. Through this church, I found my small group of women, a book group, and other social activities.
Singles don’t have to associate only with singles, or women with women for that matter. My quilting group is a woman's group because of the hobby, but I also have friends who golf, or hike and who do so in mixed groups.
Give your new friends and connections a chance. The first time I went to my large quilt group (the mother organization, if you will); I met a few people and listened to a lecture, and got invited back at the end. My dining group chose many places that I was not interested in, and dates that I was not available, before my first get together. And the first Sunday at church, I shook a few hands. But by coming back regularly, I met more people, got invited to events and invited to volunteer and became part of the group.
It’s not necessary to have a lot of money to have a social life. While some hobbies can have some costs, being social is not of necessity costly. For every French restaurant my dining group goes to, there are ten ethnic restaurants and quite a few at home food tastings. Most events at my church are group dinners. And my small, weekly group meets at someone’s home each week, with the host providing lunch. Time spent with friends is what is important, after all.
Lastly, being alone part of the time is not a terrible thing. While we all need connections and friendships outside of our home, we have to find a happy medium that works for us. In my case that involves a get together during the day, two in the evening going to church. For me this is a happy medium. Others may need more alone time, more together time….it depends on you. I still experience lonliness, but that's based on widowhood, not on the fear of being alone. For every visit with friends I get equal enjoyment from creating at home or simply reading with my pup beside me.
How are you making new connections in retirement?
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Having a Social LIfe on an Extreme Budget
I often hear on various boards or discussions the fear that being frugal means "not having fun". There are so many posts about having to stay home, not having a life or being bored when you are watching pennies or have very little money.
While you probably can't eat at the Ritz, or go barhopping every night, I'm here to tell you that being on a low or limited income doesn't mean you have to give up and sit home in front of the square box for the rest of your life.
So what will you do for entertainment on your limited budget? The short answer is, whatever you like doing, within reason. Money, or at least a lot of money, is not a requirement for enjoying life. SOME money is necessary for certain hobbies or interests (golf, travel , or gourmet dining out come time mind, and I'll talk about that another time), but often the money required in this day and age is not nearly as much as you would imagine. I enjoy a variety of hobbies and social activities, and most of the time I manage to do those things with a minimal amount of money. Although I am not the expert on social lives of the less than rich or famous, here are just a few tips, from my experience:
What do you do, or what would you like to do with your time?
While you probably can't eat at the Ritz, or go barhopping every night, I'm here to tell you that being on a low or limited income doesn't mean you have to give up and sit home in front of the square box for the rest of your life.
So what will you do for entertainment on your limited budget? The short answer is, whatever you like doing, within reason. Money, or at least a lot of money, is not a requirement for enjoying life. SOME money is necessary for certain hobbies or interests (golf, travel , or gourmet dining out come time mind, and I'll talk about that another time), but often the money required in this day and age is not nearly as much as you would imagine. I enjoy a variety of hobbies and social activities, and most of the time I manage to do those things with a minimal amount of money. Although I am not the expert on social lives of the less than rich or famous, here are just a few tips, from my experience:
- Join up. If there's something you're interested in, there is probably a group listed in your local newspaper or magazine, a meetup, or some other way to find like minded people. Most of the activities in a group like this will be inexpensive or free, and often at a low cost place or people's homes. Here in Dallas, there is a Washington Redskins Group that meets at a bar every Sunday or Monday night. Yes, it's a bar, but the important think is not the drink. You can get one drink and nurse it all evening. The point is that if you are from the East Coast and know no one, you can have friendship and social contact for the price of a soda. I belong to a small quilting group that takes turns meeting at someones house each week. That person provides the lunch, but it's sandwiches and salads. And although we say its a quilting group, there have been days when everyone has sat around and talked for the five hours. I found this group online, doing a search.
- Search for and join a church or house of worship of your choice, if you have a faith. This is a variation on the idea mentioned above, I grant you. Most churches have a variety of adult gatherings or organizations. Some will be for men, some for women, and some for anyone. It gives you a chance to meet people with whom you are likely to have some things in common, and a chance to develop long term relationships. In general the larger the church, the more choices, but you may have to experiment to find your fit.
- Turn disadvantage to advantage. If you're unemployed, work only part time or off hours, or are retired, take advantages of the entertainment discounts that are available simply because of that fact. At my local first run theater, tickets for the first show of the day are three dollars. If you MUST go to an evening movie, try to make it before seven. If its date, hit happy hour and have the munchies and one drink first.
- Volunteer for a social cause that jives with your interests and concerns. You'll meet like minded people, it will keep you busy and you will be helping where you are needed. You may even develop new job skills in the process if that is important to you.
- Become a "friend" of an organization the interests you, or volunteer to serve in whatever capacity they need. At the local community theater, if you volunteer to usher or take tickets, you then get to see the production for free. If you have the funds, become an "angel" at the lowest level available of your local zoo, theater, museum and so on. You'll get notices about special deals tickets and other opportunities. There may also be parties for openings of various events. (By the same token, if a retiree really really loves movies, he or she may want to see if the local theater can use them for a few hours a week).
- Become a "registered" customer. Just as you get discounts and deals for food with a Kroger card, there are many preferred customer savings to be had at entertainment or hobby venues. Cinemark, AMC and Regal all have programs where you swipe a card and earn tickets and food as you go along. I also get emails for free snacks because I am on their email lists. My local quilt shop gives me ten percent reward on craft supplies, and has a special show twice year showing new trends and ideas. Although I'll talk about more expensive entertainment and hobbies at a later date, I earned a Chili's card for staying two nights at Best Western on my way to and from relatives this summer.
- Be willing to be the first person in your group to step out of the box. If everyone in your circle wants to go out after work for two hours of drinks and snacks and then go further, or if they only way they know to socialize is an upscale restaurant, you can go along and cringe, or you can not go. Instead, think about a third alternative that is less costly and more personable. You'd be surprised how many people might go for drinks and snacks on the patio or int he back yard instead. Maybe no one else is willing to take that first step.
- Although article is not about meeting people, when possible, search out about people who want or enjoy the same things as you do. I'm not talking about a financial level here. I belong to a gourmet dinner group and the ten members are from all economic (and age) levels. But they would all rather be having a nice dinner and leisurely conversation where they can talk in someones home than in a restaurant. The cost is a byproduct of that thinking.
- Look to your city, county and state. During the summer my suburban town had free concerts on the park, where friends and I can go sit on a blanket, bring our own drinks and hear some really good music. They also have spring and fall festivals. While lots of things are sold at these events, spending money isn't necessary for a good time. The good time is the wandering, looking, and sharing of a single hot toddy perhaps. My city has a natatorium that includes pools, workout rooms and aerobics. The cost is $100 a year, so a health club never entered the picture.
- Consider learning a hobby that has the option of saving money or making money. I add this with some hesitation. I truly believe that you should pursue what interests you, and that that is how you make new and keep old friends. That said, if you think you have an interest in an area that meets one of these qualifications, you may want to pursue that when choosing where to go next in the development of a new hobby or interest.
- Library, Library, Library. Can one have a frugal entertainment discussion without the library? Book club. Reference books on your interest.s Reference books on saving money. Movies. Music. Need I say more?
What do you do, or what would you like to do with your time?
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